Whispers and Gossip, We Are "That" Family

You can't hear the conversation but you know they are talking about you.

"That's the one with cancer, poor baby."

Yes, that's us. "That" family.

My friend shared a blog post with me recently where a woman talked about her experience with others talking about her rather then to her in regards to her breast cancer. So much of it hit home with me. It is hard to be the person others talk about. Most of the time they mean well, the statements are of concern for our well being, asking for updates but not wanting to bother us or trying to find a way to help. Sometimes is is downright mean and hurtful gossip. We luckily, have had more of the first then the second.

Margaret Feinberg said this in her blog that really helped me, "So the next time you hear the whispering, know that you can walk away. Sometimes unknowing is a gift. And the most important whisper you’ll ever hear, the only one worth straining to hear is from your Heavenly Father who loves you, who is with you, and who is for you. And over the last year and a half since my difficult diagnosis, I’ve learned that."

So the next time you hear the whispering, know that you can walk away. Sometimes unknowing is a gift.

And the most important whisper you’ll ever hear, the only one worth straining to hear is from your Heavenly Father who loves you, who is with you, and who is for you. And over the last year and a half since my difficult diagnosis, I’ve learned that.
- See more at: http://margaretfeinberg.com/others-whisper-gods-truth/#sthash.IpcmbfMG.dpuf

So the next time you hear the whispering, know that you can walk away. Sometimes unknowing is a gift.

And the most important whisper you’ll ever hear, the only one worth straining to hear is from your Heavenly Father who loves you, who is with you, and who is for you. And over the last year and a half since my difficult diagnosis, I’ve learned that.
- See more at: http://margaretfeinberg.com/others-whisper-gods-truth/#sthash.IpcmbfMG.dpuf

So the next time you hear the whispering, know that you can walk away. Sometimes unknowing is a gift.

And the most important whisper you’ll ever hear, the only one worth straining to hear is from your Heavenly Father who loves you, who is with you, and who is for you. And over the last year and a half since my difficult diagnosis, I’ve learned that.
- See more at: http://margaretfeinberg.com/others-whisper-gods-truth/#sthash.IpcmbfMG.dpuf

I was having a nice conversation with a very dear friend the other day. Our children were all taking a nap and we were enjoying talking about something other then pee pee in the potty and Elmo. This was one of the things we discussed. I have always been the one to take care of others. I am the one who brings meals or groceries, cleans other people's homes, donates, etc. Not because I am better than anyone else but because I feel lead to help. I am that person that insists it is okay to let me come over to help if your house is a mess but I clean before you come over. I will never expect you to feed me while I am there but I will force feed you home baked scones when you come to my house.

Last year the tables turned. We were the family that needed help. With watching Gracie for appointments, with meals, with finances, with prayer, and with functioning day to day having cancer. When the tables turned I found how hard it is to be on the other side and accept help. It feels depressing being the "charity" case. Being the family others rally to help.  It is not a happy position to be in temporarily but for a year it is a hard thing to accept.

This year I have learned to accept help and I have learned to let people see my life when it is messy. I have learned how to be specific when people ask how they can help. I have learned that the people that whisper about you behind your back 90% of the time mean well and what they say is none of my business. I have also learned that 10% of the time what is said is false and very hurtful but also none of my business.

I have learned that we cannot please everyone, we seem to be too holistic for some and too mainstream medicine for others making everyone mad but that is okay. It is okay because Emma is OUR child and we are the ones prayerfully considering her care with her team of medical professionals. I have learned that we will never be poor enough for most financial help but we will never be rich enough to pay all of Emma's bills on our own.

I have learned that although Emma is immune compromised she is a child who needs to run and play and interact with her peers. I cannot protect her from everything but I can arm her as best I can. Most of all I have learned how powerful I am, what great depths of grief I can sustain for so long and still function. The amazing, awesome, wonderful power of God that keeps me getting out of bed each day with a smile for Emma. This coming year I hope to learn how to slow down, stop with the busy, rushing around. I want to let myself be happy. If we come out of this I do not want these years lost to sadness and grief, I would like to see that we were still joyful in this time.

The blog post I mentioned is by an amazing author who I find very inspiring, here is her Facebook. This picture pretty much sums up her amazing outlook on life. She found joy in cancer and I hope to as well. Margaret Feinberg