A New Twist

Childhood is magical, little girls especially have this pure view on the world. It sparkles. It is full of fireflies and fairies, princesses who ride off into the sunset, castles, gnomes, and flowers as tall as a tree. To see the world through the eyes of a child is to see a story book. So is it not fitting that our calender project look childlike? The face of Cancer Can Be has morphed into a fairy tale. Emma will take our little cancer warriors on a journey all year to far away lands and bring some magic back into their world. It's about being a child and loving life for what it can be and what we hope it to be again soon.

For those who went before us, 

To those who fight at our side,

 For those who won the battle, 

To those who come along for the ride; 

We dedicate this project to you and hope it inspires you too.

Emma is wearing Persnickety's Princess Millie dress which donates money to childhood cancer families.

The Cancer Can Be Project...coming soon 

Preordering begins on September 1st to kick off Childhood Awareness Month. For every calender you buy a childhood cancer warrior will receive one free for the holidays. If you have a cancer warrior in mind please contact us on our Facebook page to get on the list. I am still working out pricing and if you would like to be a sponsor we still have a need!

Settling In

We went into today armed for battle. I had eight hours of activites, snacks, a good friend to help for the first three hours and coffee. Of course when you are prepared then you get out in half the time...but no complaints here! We were in and out today in 4.5 hours. It was still all day since we drive for 4 hours total but it was easier to stay sane with half the visit time. A huge thank you to Tracey for playing with Gracie and Michiko for being our chemo buddy today. It is still not easy but I think we are already getting the hang of this chemo thing. The doctors said Emma is responding really well so far, her blood work is great and she is active. They think her hyperactivity is due to the chemo actually making her feel better...I think that is a little silly. Maybe it is all this extra love from all of you!

Don't forget that September is Childhood Cancer Awareness month! Together we can raise awareness and increase funding. In a couple weeks go GOLD for Emma!

"I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then." - Alice

Our first week following chemotherapy was not at all what I expected. We were told Emma would be tired and have bad nausea. Well the second was true. Tired? What is tired when you are three years old? Emma ran circles around us all week. I am not sure if it was a good thing or bad that she had so much energy. Mostly I am worried she is not slowing down enough to let her body relax and heal. It will be something we will have to discuss with her doctors on Thursday.

In other news Emma and Gracie officially began preschool this week. We did casual homeschooling lessons over the Spring and Summer with other homeschooling families but we finally began our own routine. The girls took first day of school pictures and had a little fun. The picture of them hugging

the tree was not staged, that is just who my girls are in real life. Goofy, fun loving and a ham for the camera.

We also began Emma's photo shoots for her Cancer Can Be... project. We will be doing a shoot or two each weekend and finishing up in October to print in time for the holidays. If anyone has any leads on printers who would be willing to give us a deal so we can afford to give them for free to other girls with cancer that would be awesome. We are also looking for sponsors so we can help cover gifting costs. If you are interested in becoming a sponsor here are the two options we have thought of,

1. Help with the cost of giving the calendars for free to Cancer Warriors or the production costs of the project and you get a space on the inside title page for your logo and 100 character space to write something inspirational or about your company / organization.

2. Organize for us to sell the calender through your company or organization with your help in advertising the project and you get a space on the inside title page for your logo and 100 character space to write something inspirational or about your company / organization.

I will post more sneak peeks as time goes on!

Lastly there are new ways to follow our journey, Emma has her own Facebook page now www.facebook.com/throughemmaseye and we have a Twitter @throughemmaseye 

Cancer Can Be...

For those who went before us,
To those who fight at our side,
For those who won the battle,
To those who come along for the ride;
We dedicate this project to you and hope it inspires you too.

- Coming soon: Cancer Can Be... -

Thrown In The Deep End

Today I was thrown into the deep end. No hand holding, no explanations. Just thrown in. I thought I was prepared. I had Emma snacks, busy activities, diapers, wipes, hand sanitizer...my bag was full of tricks. I woke up behind because I woke up with such bad anxiety about today that I was sick and couldn't hold down water let alone food. I was told to expect the day to last 2-3 hours, laughable. When we reached hour 4 and Emma was only hooked up to IV fluids, no doctor was in sight, I was feeling faint and Cora slapped my water out of my hand drenching both of us I knew it was going to be a long day. And it was.

I finally told a nurse in passing it was our first chemo day and she took pity on me and described what to expect. One would think a Children' hospital would have someone there to help newbies!

We busted out of hospital jail at 5pm, we arrived just after 10:30am. I am beginning to realize that

with the two hour drive each way this once a week nightmare will take the entire day every single week. It suddenly occurred to me that I not only need help watching our other children but I need someone to come with me to the hospital as emotional and physical support. It is dawning on me how horrifying this situation has become and will continue to be for the next year.

In all this mess Emma did great. We had some meltdowns while accessing her port, I held her and we both cried and then Cora joined us. For the day she mostly she just played and got tangled up in her IV cords and asked if she could go home. I don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing that she doesn't fully understand what is going on, part of me wishes I didn't know everything. I talked to the Oncologist today while we were there. It appears that her cancerous tumor has taken a temporary

break from growing but another one that we have been watching that is deeper in her brain has taken to growing in size. Hopefully the chemo will kill them both. I hate you tumors, it is time to die!

Please pray for us as we march onward and if anyone has an leads on babysitters please contact me. Emma and I will be doing her first photoshoot for her inspirational project this Saturday to lift our spirits and to put a face to the project for our sponsors.

We Will Label This A "Win"

This week of recovery was an emotional roller coaster. One thing that did not sit well with me is our conflicting diagnosis reports from UC Irvine and Boston. Irvine basically gave her a death sentence, I didn't tell you all how bad it was because I did not want to admit it to myself. We just didn't talk about it...ever. Boston came back with a less severe diagnosis of a juvenile form of the same type of cancer. They were night and day different. Well no one can ever tell me just to accept a large

Water fountains are fun, and fewer germs then parks!

discrepancy, you messed with the wrong Mommy! I was on the phone with UC Irvine right away to ask why they gave her that diagnosis. The response was that they were sure they were right but they would look at Boston's report and take a second look at her slides then get back to me. My phone rang later that day with an apology for the misdiagnosis and they believed Boston was correct. I should feel better, right? Wrong. Now I just felt angry that I had spent several weeks trying not to think about how my child was going to die a horrible death in the very near future. I was also mad that we spent a lot more money to get second and third opinions. Last I wanted to hear from UCSF before getting too excited.

I talked to our Oncologist today he said that UCSF gave Emma the less severe juvenile diagnosis. Even better he said that the tumor has not spread yet and if we begin chemo before it begins to spread then she has a 75% chance that it will stop growing or even shrink! This Thursday we will begin weekly chemo treatments of two different drugs for a period of one year. Hopefully in a year it shrinks or at least stops growing and we can move into a monitoring stage. There is still a chance she will loose sight in her other eye making her fully blind. We are hoping that her left eye holds strong and fights for it's life! We also found out today that her last MRI of her spine showed there are no evil tumors hiding from us.

Future Dr. Emma!

Specific prayer requests, please pray that Emma's left eye continues to fight, that she responds as best as she can to the chemo treatments and that healing would come over her little body and kill of that c-word forever and ever!

I have to say, there is just something about Emma. She captivates people. I have been contacted by several people we do not know well to say that Emma just spoke to them and they feel compelled to follow her story. Ever since she was born I have felt that that I joined her life, her mission and I am just along for the ride. This teeny tiny preemie child has a very specific purpose to her life. I can just feel it. I can't wait to see what she does, look out world! Along those lines I felt led to do a inspirational project with Emma since she already inspires so many others. We will be taking formal photos and creating a calender called Cancer Can Be... each month is a positive message. Cancer can be many horrible, terrible things but the face of cancer can be so many wonderful things. We hope to get companies and organizations to endorse the project so we can afford to give it away for free to little girls fighting childhood cancer in time for Christmas. If you are interested in contributing or sponsoring please contact us here or on her Facebook page www.facebook.com/throughemmaseye. There will be spaces for company logos and childhood cancer related events like charity walks and I will release more details as they arrive!

Finally a huge thank you to our church community. They have fed us spiritually and literally by filling up our freezer with after chemo meals. More then that they gave generously of their time, talents and finances at our benefit dinner. Our hearts are over flowing with gratitude. We cannot thank you all enough. God Bless you all!

We will put that in the "Win