Saturday, June 20, 2015


I might be one of the only people ever who is constantly shocked by the death of childhood cancer warriors. Call it optimism, call it it denial but I always believe they will pull through. I have visions of these children beating cancer and becoming doctors who find a cure, lawyers who fight for more funding and protect the kids, nurses who know from experience how to care for the sick, writers who inspire others, and parents who know how to help a child in pain. I see them go to prom, graduate from high school, and traveling the world. I envision that this time of medicine, hospitals, and pain as only a tiny part of their life story.

Then I get the call, the Facebook message, the status change. She's gone, in the arms of Jesus, out of pain. We have so many phrases to avoid the word we do not want to say...dead. Cancer took her. I try to remind myself that these lives, although shortened by cancer, had a huge impact. That they inspired, that they loved, that they raised awareness and funding to find a cure. I tell myself that she is with our Creator and resting. I tell myself this but it does not ease the pain. She's gone, cancer took her.

Now I glance at my cancer fighter and tears well up again. The reality that this can and most likely will happen to her someday. I cannot bare the thought. Cancer is not for the faint of heart.

Today a sweet friend of ours left us. She was an inspiration, a ball of sunshine. She would post cute little comments on Emma's page and her smile lit up Facebook. Her mother is gentle and kind, always willing to give advice and prayer. When I saw that she passed away I was totally caught off guard. I knew she was sick but somehow I thought she would pull through. I thought this most certainly was not the end. But the end came.

Cancer never gets easier. I feel like we are constantly sprinting up a steep hill. Even if we beat this I will always wonder if it will return.

This week Gracie has her MRI to determine if she has cancer, another brain related issue, or both. Amanda's death today makes it even harder to march into the halls of Children's tomorrow. Please God, spare Gracie. On Wednesday join us in prayer for her at 11am pst and please say a prayer for Amanda's family today.

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