This week started with an MRI. The scans show a tiny bit of decreasing in tumor size but it is so small that it is in the zone of error. So this means the chemo could be doing nothing. That was a hard pill to swallow.
Over the days to come I was on the phone asking for referrals for the next steps. One doctor I talked to said one line that has haunted me this whole week. We were talking about addiction and how I am worried Emma will become addicted to anti anxiety meds if we treat her with them now. He said that since the tumor will kill her anyway so are we really worried about her
|Emma and Sophie|
It was a week of horrible, terrible experiences that no mother should endure and all in the same week. Yesterday I went into our bedroom to get something for Cora and fell to the floor in great heaving sobs. Uncontrolled rage and sadness poured out of me so violently that I shook. Naturally the girls came looking for me after 10 minutes and we all ended up on the floor in a giant hug. Emma wanted to know why I was so sad. All I could come up with is, "My heart hurts" she offered me a hug and a band aid. I must admit, they helped. Today I woke up from a night of terrible dreams looked down at the bracelet my friend Sarah gave me month ago that reads "Brave Mom." Good God, I hope so.