Sunday, September 6, 2015
Surprised by Death
Two days ago I found out that Natalie died. She was on hospice, I should have seen it coming. I should have expected her to go home to God. Was I shocked? Yes. Maybe the chemo mom in me needs to believe that they will pull through, that this is just a bump in the road and things will turn around. Once I lose hope I lose everything.
I was in line at the drive thru Starbucks on my way to a co-op homeschool class with the kids. I
I pulled up to the window and reached for my coffee with red puffy eyes and a tear stained face, "Are you okay Ma'am?" she asked. "No, I am not okay. But thank you." I knew Emma would take it hard, another friend we prayed for was gone. So much death for a 4 year old to experience. I cried the whole way to class then put on my game face for lessons and the party. The next day I told Emma and we held each other crying then released a balloon to heaven for Natalie.
You might leave the hospital but the stories follow you home. Friends that are still stuck in that world. Children who die. Parents who struggle to keep their mental sanity at a time when most people would ask to be committed to the looney bin. You are at home but somehow you still "live" at the hospital.
I know this is a long and rambling post, that I do not have a clear point, that you may be somewhat confused why I am sharing this information. I share because I want the world to know that THIS is our life. This is how we live. It could get better, it could change. We need a cure, we need better medicine, we need more specialists with options better than chemo. We need more funding. What we need is people like you to care. Today it is our war but tomorrow you could join us. Share on your social media, be mad that Natalie passed away so soon, ask for more funding. #showyourgold