The signs were so subtle that it took four days for even me to notice that although the sun is shinning in our country town I've been hiding inside. Food is tasteless and from nowhere I feel suddenly all the blood fall out of my head sending me into a dizzy blur. I'm not ready to go back to the hospital, not eager for more MRIs and bills (oh the bills...) not excited about watching my baby girl be stuck with needles again. Oh let me go back to February when we were simply a toddler girl playing and a
I wonder if I am strong enough. Can I get through the next week with out a panic attack? Can I endure this along with other life stresses?
I have to admit, I'm frightened. Its hard not to play the "what if" game. What if the tumor is growing? What if there is a complication with being put under? What if I fall apart in front of the doctors?
I know this post is dark but I don't want to apologize for that or delete it after I'm done writing. Emma needs to know, I want her to understand none of this was taken lightly. I am not looking for everyone to pity me but it would be lovely to please add a special prayer for me that I can be strong. I'm feeling pretty dark which feels odd since this week has been the most beautiful weather we have seen in a long time.
So that being said here are the logistics, Emma goes in for her second MRI on Tuesday morning. After the test we have follow up appointments with the pediatric neurologist and genetics specialist team. Depending on the results we will chose a treatment path.