Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Spring Renewal

Spring came early in Farm Country. We have been switching back and forth between sunny days and Spring showers. The girls are happy to have some sun, we have been enjoying sidewalk chalk, gardening, bubble parties, and some Spring cleaning. This week we made lent gardens with our friends. It is a small bowl of dirt with a pot that you lay on its side to make a tomb of Jesus, three wooden crosses and some grass seeds. When you first make it the whole thing is barren, waiting for the resurrection of life in the dirt. Just like we planted seeds in the dirt hoping for grass to grow by Easter, God has planted seeds of hope in our hearts. We hope for the day that we are free from cancer and can fully enjoy life.

 Until then we do our best to maintain a normal day and I fiercely protect Emma's childhood. Unlike my childhood I want her to be free from financial worries, always have a parent available to her, less focus on education and more focus on creating a love of learning and being out in nature, raising animals, and traveling.

Each year around Spring time I clean out our closets and home from clutter we built up over the winter. I also clean out our garden and yard weeding out all the plants that grew during the months of cold and frost. It is not only literal, it is emotional as well. We focus on cleaning out our bad thoughts, worries and the lack of trust in God's plan that built up over the months of darkness. This Spring I
hope to clear out my depression about our situation. I know I put on a smile and what most of you see is a happy Emma and a smiling mother. That is us, that is real. But when she goes to sleep I look like Frodo bringing the ring to Mordor, clutching my coffee with white knuckles, brushing back my unshowered hair, and shedding a few silent tears for my poor baby who suffers everyday. I cannot stop my feelings of sorrow but I can prevent the dark cloud I feel follows me everywhere I go. So off to counseling and the family doctor I went a few months ago and now as Spring comes into bloom I finally feel a rainbow spreading across the sky. I urge our fellow warriors friends not to ignore the dark cloud, you can feel better. Get help. I am so glad I did.

Emma had a chemo day yesterday, we scheduled her next MRI scan for the end of April to see if the new protocol is as effective as her old one. I know it sounds funny but on this chemo she has been doing really well...and that worries me. I have a nagging voice in my head saying that chemo she does this well on cannot be effective against her aggressive cancer. I hope I am wrong. I hope all our natural remedies at home have helped ease side effects and it is still killing our nasty cancer. I hope. Her blood counts were elevated which is a concern because it could mean her body is getting ready to be sick. Typically in cancer patients their bodies will try to fight something as soon as it gets hit but because they are immune compromised the counts elevate then crash. It is that crash that causes us to become inpatient because she cannot fight infections on her own. Please pray that she stays healthy and out of the hospital!

Last little note, we are so grateful for everyone's help and prayer over the last year. It means the world to us! Emma's fundraising reserves are running low and will be empty soon because we are paying out medical bills that insurance did not cover. We are also funding Emma necessities such as glasses, co-pays, prescriptions, and gas money to and from the hospital. If anyone is looking for a way to help us we could really use gas cards, new busy work for trips, and food for chemo days / hospital stays.  We have one more week to help with our Fighter Campaign. Please consider helping us help others as well! http://www.booster.com/throughemmaseye

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